McMillon: “Here’s a neat fuckin’ story!”

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Do you want to be poor and disliked? Start a snowboard biz! (part 2 of 3)

Part one of this tall tale found our hero rich and loved after learning then beating the game of blackjack. Catch up on part one HERE before following him on his adventure…

After 9 days of Vegas debauchery, I left Ray the last day to break down the booth and I hopped on a first class seat to ISPO in Munich with around $8000 still left over, blowing out my wallet and my back.

I meet my other business partner, Lance and our photographer Jesse Brown in Munich. We set up the Bluebird and the Illuminati Snowboards booth. This trade show is uneventful mostly because there is zero gambling going on. Anyway after that boring ass shit is over, I decide I’m gonna go visit my homeys in Prague. So I invite Lance and Jesse to hop on a train and see what kind of trouble we can get into. We grab our obscene amount of luggage and barely make the last train out.

We arrive at the Prague train station greeted by an entourage. Marek, Mikey, David, Joel and some ladies. We take Lance and Jesse on full unrated tour of Prague. Sending it right into the morning hours. By this point, we are fucking partied out. But we are young and our livers have yet to develop Liver AIDS. We hang out in the city and cruise for a few days. Then we head up to a local resort outside of Prague called Spindle.

This is where our luck runs out.

We shred for a bit but the snow is kinda dog shit so Joel and David kidnap Lance and take him to the pub to torture him with shots of Absinthe and gallons of the worlds best beer. The rest of us get lost in the woods and have to hike back to the resort.
We roll into the pub to find Lance on top of the table, dancing around and doing Borat impressions to an unimpressed full house of bitter Czechs. We join them for 5 minutes before we get kicked out.

We head back to our hotel to ditch our shred gear and snap some gackers of pure high octane E. Then we head out for the night. By the time we sit down at the first pub, shit already starts going downhill. After we murder a few bottles of legit Absinthe, my smart ass friend Marek starts lighting joints and sticking them in my mouth. I assume it’s cool. It’s Czech. But we aren’t in the city anymore and I realize shit ain’t cool when a massive meat head fuck bouncer comes over to choke me out with one of his gorilla hands and removes the joint out of my mouth with his other and throws it in a near by planter. Mareks proceeds to retrieve the joint and light it back up. Meanwhile some of my other friends are hitting on these two girls which we later come to find out are personal property of the bouncers.

Obviously, we get aggressively thrown out into the cold snowy night as we see a bouncer on a radio relaying the message to the rest of the pubs in the village.

We are marked.

Top 5 worst pro snowboarders!

Hamilton Bridges

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...to spend 6 hours in a car with on the way to Mammoth!

We have all been there. Offered an extended car ride to somebody only to immediately regret that decision at the first stop light. Seeing as how Southern California is the place where 85% the shred media and companies reside, I thought this would be a perfect length ride to make judgement calls. A ride to Mammoth from San Diego/Orange County is an ass numbing 6 hours no matter which way you slice it.

Top 5 who don’t get to come:

1.Lucas Magoon -Don’t get me wrong, the Gooner is a gem. I love this kid and everything he stands for and slides under. However when sitting in a car for an extended period of time you have to consider not only conversation, but also personal hygiene. I don’t know what Lucas smells like up close, but based on my observations it would be a mix between some sticky icky, a wet ashtray, and one of my grandfathers shoes…and probably throw up.

2. Jamie Anderson– Don’t fucking talk to me about crystals and your spirt animals. The second you got in the car, the smell of essential oils essentially made you a hitchhiker.

3. Red Gerrard– It not just Red, its pretty much anyone that is under 18. You are all just emojis, hormones, and annoying music. You could however, ride in the trunk…rolled up in a throw rug.

4. Todd Richards– Fuck that dude. Could you be more irrelevant ? What are you like 75 now?

5. Chris Grenier– You can take the Masshole out of Massachusetts…Every time I see this kid he is either talking about fellating Tom Brady or getting railroaded by convicted murderer Aaron Hernandez. The only thing good to ever come out of Massachusetts is that video about the guy in Boston Harbor catching a baby whale.

We all have to pay for gas to get where we need to go, but if any of the people on this list need a ride, driver be warned.

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Ouch: Pat Moore bites hoof!

Chas Smith

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Red snowboarder takes on the Red Bull!

Disclaimer: LodgeGrit’s official drink sponsor is Icy Wine who reminds you to put some ice in your wine.

Are you an energy drink kinda gal or do you prefer the natural highs of ummm H20? What about coconut? They say its got what plants crave. It’s got electrolytes. Do you feel brawny after drinking some cool, refreshing coconut water? Or do you feel like you just drank chapstick?

I’m not afraid to admit that I go for the Red Bull on a late night’s drive or when I need those wings (Icy Wine does not approve of this message). I think Red Bull’s got electrolytes too.

Pat Moore used to drink/ride for Red Bull but now he drinks/rides for Villager Goods Coconut Electrolytes. He appeared on their instagram account yesterday and said:

Working with Red Bull for awhile was amazing… they hire the best people they make the biggest films they got the sickest team so I guess when I decided to quit all my friends thought I was crazy but I started to feel uncomfortable with how they wanted me to talk about their brand and their products.

Around the same time we started to talk about starting Villager. The product speaks for itself. I don’t need someone else’s voice to speak about it. It’s simple, clean, healthy and something that our entire group can easily promote.

But what’s he saying about Red Bull? That it doesn’t have electrolytes? How dare he!

HOW DARE HE!

And have you ever bitten the hand, or hoof as it were, that feeds? Is it the greatest pleasure or does it leave an unfortunate aftertaste?

Icy Wine would like to remind you that it doesn’t have any electrolytes nor any health-giving benefits other than bad hangover. Rain or shine, put some ice in that wine!™

Head on over to Board Rap to dig in to this brewing war! It’s got what websites crave! It’s got electrolytes!

Blood Feud: Too Hard vs. Full Moon!

Crusty MacBitterman

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A bitter old man weighs in on two hot movements!

Look ladies, there’s enough fake shit going on in this world right now. Watching a bunch of privileged white kids pretending to be gangster is just retarded and played. We’ve already seen it a million times in snowboarding, and at the mall. Strapping on a helmet to impale your vagina on a handrail is not gangster.

Although I believe more people should smoke weed, gratuitous shots of smoking weed is not “hard” either. “The most important thing in snowboarding” as claimed on their damned instagram account.

Fuck off.

Granted there is some gnarly shit in their latest video, just fucking tone it down a little. Quit trying to sell a fake image. Be yourself, be real, you’ll go a lot farther in this world. Your “squad” is blowing up right now. Don’t let it go to your heads. Just be humble and let your riding do the talking. The youth will be looking to you for your leadership. Don’t litter the world with entitled cocky shit heads thinking the world owes them something.

We got plenty of those already.

I know you all are just having fun, trying to find yourselves. But bring some real shit, or don’t bring it at all. Maybe these ladies are just playing a joke on everyone.

Maybe the joke is on me.

Don’t really care either way.

With that said, the only female crew in the spotlight I’m backing is the Full Moon gals. These are the true fucking Gs. They can ride snowmobiles and shred actual mountains with actual style. With the best of them.

None are selling any bullshit image.

They let their riding speak for them. These women are what’s good in female snowboarding. They aren’t jocks, just true shredders.They honor the bad ass females who came before them and paved the way. They can ride anything but choose to be in the mountains. Where the real shit is. Hats off, mad respect.

I’m gonna go shoot myself in the dick before the “Too Hard Squad” does.

Yobeat hates The Fourth Phase J/K!

Chas Smith

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Come read the most gorgeously passive-aggressive film review ever!

Do you like passive-aggressivity? Do you like it when, say, a Starbucks barista fills your coffee all the way to the tippy-top because you told him the first cup tasted yuck at it burns your hand?

Or when you ask a teenaged boy if he could move out of your way and he moves at one centimeter per second while staring at his phone with an 🙁 face?

Do you like passive-aggressivity in your film reviews? Yobeat’s Under Review: The Fourth Phase is a masterpiece of the genre! Would you like to read all the passive-aggressive bits back to back to back?

This op-ed is going to make me sound like a hater and I really don’t want that. I have a tremendous amount of respect not only for Travis but for everyone else associated with this production… except for maybe Red Bull, but I’ll save that for another discussion.

I feel like (Travis Rice) is a great dude to have at the forefront of snowboarding. What he and the other world-class riders in this film are capable of is nothing short of jaw dropping, but I still couldn’t make it more than 10 minutes into this film last night without my eyelids getting heavy, and my brain getting bored…

I want to like Fourth Phase; I really do. But, and I’m saying this with tremendous respect, the film just fell short for me last night. I was let down. I was disappointed.

I realize that this movie is for the kid who wants to show his parents and grandparents snowboarding so they can say “WOW!!!! THAT IS AMAZING!!! THAT IS EXTREME!!! THAT IS DANGEROUS!!!” but is that where we’re at in snowboarding these days?

I blame Red Bull mostly.

And I can hear the people flaming me already, “But Red Bull has done sooo much for action sports!!!!” and you’re right, they have.

Films like the Fourth Phase are amazing visual journeys no doubt, but the problem is, they aren’t accessible.

I guess I just prefer films and edits that are more accessible. Stuff like Liam Gallagher’s ‘Search for a Cool Place’, Warp Wave’s ‘A Place Called Kookabunga’, Work Shirt’s ‘Close to Home’, and the all girls film ‘Full Moon’ and of course the classic Robot Food trilogy do way more to make me actually want to go snowboarding with my friends and speak to what I think this lifestyle is all about than any offering from Red Bull or another larger production company ever has.

But hell, that’s just like my opinion….man.

Do you like it when you ask a teenaged girl if you can sit in an empty seat next to her and she says, “It’s a free country…” but then turns her back on you and stares at her phone with an 🙁 face?

It’s the best!