They are so handsome! So dreamy! But wait...

Do you watch Vikings on television/Amazon? Oh it is the grandest show on earth! I usually loathe when my wife finds other men cute, writing vicious articles defaming their characters in response, but the lead character, Ragnar Lothbrok played by Australian Travis Fimmel, is so dreamy that if given the chance I might leave her for him (see above).

In any case, I come mostly from the surf world and did you know there was surf in Norway? Of course you did. There is surf everywhere now even Austin, Texas but if you have a woman or a man you should be very worried about viking surfers?

If Ragnar Lothbrok is any indication of how they look our entire structure is set to collapse. The New York Times did a piece on these Northmen. Should we read a little?

This was all new to Tim Matley, a thin and boyishly blond Australian, who found himself above the Arctic Circle for the first time in this remote village with as many surf shops (two) as sheep farms.

His usual itinerary was six months of surfing in Australia, then six months in Indonesia. If the waves were high, that was great, as long as the temperature was higher. He had never before worn a hood, gloves and boots in a competition. In fact, he had seldom worn a wet suit.

“I like to feel my toes in the wax,” Matley, 34, said. “In boots, I can’t feel anything.”

His girlfriend, Guro Aanestad, a three-time Norwegian surfing champion, had just won the women’s title at the Lofoten Masters on Oct. 8. It is billed as the world’s northernmost surfing competition. Now Matley awaited the men’s final.

The valley at his back rose to a mountainous amphitheater. A crescent bay opened before him, its exposed, rocky points known for catching North Atlantic swells the way a net catches fish.

“It’s unreal how many people surf in conditions like this,” Matley said. “It’s beautiful, but it’s so cold. At least I got to see my first northern lights. That was good.”

Wait. I’m super bored! And Australian surf viking Tim Matley sounds….. like he belongs on that horrible hideous awful website The Inertia. If you ain’t bored, read the rest here but while I have you… Do you believe in the concept of “hall passes?” That your significant other can stray for a decided upon choice?

I don’t. If you are mine than you are mine and all others can go to hell.

(Unless Travis Fimmel is around)

But let’s take a step back real quick. Those northlands are always shrouded in snow and have produced many a fine snowboarder. But are viking snowboarders very cute? Let’s examine Norway’s Ikka Backstrom.

Oh whew. Ok. As you were. Everything is going to be ok. Neither your significant other nor you is going to stray. Society is saved.

(Unless Travis Fimmel is around) (Or JP Solberg) (Or Eero Niemela) (Or Ikka Backstrom on a normal day) (Etc.) (OH FUCK!)