Query: “What the fuck are we doing here?”

Chas Smith

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The Eternal Beauty of Snowboarding is a film that absolutely sparkles!

This film, The Eternal Beauty of Snowboarding, captures the gorgeousness of our absurd lives better than any I’ve seen and I’m talking across the extreme spectrum, not just snow. Its maker, Frenchman Jérôme Tanon describes as, “An existential journey into the true lives of snowboarders.”

And it feels like a work of art.

There is something about its journalistic integrity, its simplicity and its quality that absolutely shines. Thinking like a surfer, which I almost always accidentally do, I wonder if the same film could be made across the world’s beaches and I think no. There is something about the elemental harshness of snowboarding that creates more interesting characters.

Maybe, also, that snow had its industry apocalypse many years ago and so the interesting characters haven’t been forced to be much more than themselves. There is no, for instance, World Surf League, hammering a very lame narrative.

Oh but enough yammering on and especially yammering on about surf. Who cares about that? It’s dumb! Fill your day with this gem, instead, and smile.

You are eternally beautiful!

Watch: James Bond shred Pinkos/Pow!

Muzzey

By

Eat your heart out Travis Rice!

Engendered by the most lyrical of winterized speed fiends and safety-averse fruitcakes, the genesis of modern snowboarding; secretly born on golf course hills and backyard hummocks, can be traced to a tight fistful of early vanguard bros.

Of those, scant few rise to the Promethean level of pow-slash ubermensch Tom Sims. The legacy of this New Jersey-born innovator casts a long shadow into the material and spiritual culture of ski-boarding, now close to 40 years seriatim.

Yesterday our dreams of the universe were one-way dreams, soaring towards the sky.

Today, our thoughts and hearts oscillate between blips of digital stimuli. So now! Let’s go back. And rip a metaphoric bong-hit for anamnesis! Back to a moment in time when Sims took shredding to the Silver Screen for the very first time. And in legendary form, as Bond. James Bond. In the film, 1985’s A View To A Kill.

Forecast: “Best winter in 10 years!”

Clegg

By

Dr. Kenny Powers says, "Don't hurt your nose!"

More good news out of Siberia today for those who live in the central or eastern portions of the United States of America. Siberia has already received more snowfall than it has since 1998 creating a cold air harvest that will soon begin swooping down into our heartland.

My colleagues at the Weather Channel report:

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Snow is covering the ground across most of Russia, including all of Siberia – likely the greatest extent of snow cover since 1998. Below is the current snow cover in northern Asia as of Oct. 31.

Snow is covering the ground across most of Russia, including all of Siberia – likely the greatest extent of snow cover since 1998. Below is the current snow cover in northern Asia as of Oct. 31.

Some locations, including Sakha in east-central Russia, are seeing their snowiest winter on record, with most of the snow season yet to come. Nearly 10 feet of snow fell in some places in Siberia in just three days, according to the Government of Sakha.

If the patterns hold, snow may even reach the southern portions of the U.S. will receive much snow. My personal recommendation remains New Hampshire or the SLS South Beach. Book your room here.

Halldor and the dreaded mashed potatoes.

Top 5 Worst Pro Snowboarders!

Hamilton Bridges

By

...to invite to Thanksgiving dinner!

Thanksgiving is a time for family to gather and give thanks. Thanks to the pilgrims who ran aground back east with offerings of small pox and enslavement to the indigenous peoples of North America.

Or, as it is celebrated in my house, drinking as much as possible to forget you are related to these people you are surrounded by on the last Thursday of November.

The only thing that could make it worse is inviting any of these 5 people over for some dead bird and stuffing.

1. Nate Bozung- “Mommy, why does the man’s face look like a truckstop bathroom wall?” It’s true, Boznuts’ face does look like a 3rd graders sketch book, but…aw shit, Nate is about as sweet as a puppy dog. That is unless he has recently broken up with a girlfriend which would result in a lot of swearing and probably his genitalia in the gravy.

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Mr. Boznuts

2. Annie Boulanger- The only thing worse than a Donald Trump presidency is someone who wants to see the Turkeys birth certificate. If you are going to do turkey day with someone, try to focus on where the dead bird is going not where it came from. Was is free range, was it grass fed, did it have friends? Who cares, it’s going to be turned into poop in about 8 hours !

3. Halldor Helgason- When inviting a person to Thanksgiving it’s best to find someone who actually eats what most humans consider to be food. Halldor pretty much just eats high fructose corn syrup…and vodka. That plus nobody wants Icelandic face pubes in the mashed potatoes.

4. Todd Richards- Fuck that dude, could you be more irreverent ? What are you, like 87 now? He would be lucky if he lived through the saying of grace.

5. Bode Merrill- Hey caveman save some for the rest of us! When you have the physique of a linebacker you obviously consume more than the average sized person. When you are a godammned snowboarding machine of doom, you probably will eat the plates and the tablecloth as well. Look asshole, I wanted to have some of Grandma’s pie too, you damned food vacuum!

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Yum?

Nature: Man shakes fist at God!

Clegg

By

Our snow expert's newest recommendation!

Last season was world record bad in America’s northeast. My meteorological colleagues predicted that the El Niño conditions across the Pacific would push warmer than usual air through the region thusly affecting snowfall and this is exactly what happened.

It was considered the worst season in at least 25 years.

The outlook is much better for this season from Burlington to Boston but also there has been a large scale investment in snowmaking equipment. Man is wrestling control back from God.

“We’re going to make winter regardless of what Mother Nature hands us,” Sunday River spokesperson Darcy Morse told the Boston Globe yesterday. “We certainly hope that we get more natural snow, but I think that in times when Mother Nature tests what we can do, we had a really great season regardless of the lack of snow.”

Sunday River has invested more than $7 million in its snow-making system since 2007, and it now includes more than 2,000 snow guns. The resort’s ability to make snow allowed it to remain open last season from October until April, this despite the troubles that other resorts across the region faced.

This, plus the cold furnace currently blasting Siberia bodes well for the Northeast and you should be able to bury your nose early this season or get a table at Hyde in the Bellagio.

Either way.